Friday, November 24, 2006
What A Honker...
Last night, the worship team went out to a play together (Cariboo Magi) at Pacific Theatre in Vancouver. It was a lot of fun as the characters were bold and colourful, and the theatre is small and intimate. If you ever get the chance, check them out because they always do a really good job.
Anyways, on our way to the theatre, Beth and I were driving through some heavy traffic due to construction, and at one point, all the cars were forced to take a detour off the main street. As the lineup of vehicles needed to make a left turn across traffic at an uncontrolled intersection, the flow was slow. However, I guess the lady behind us thought it would be helpful to keep honking at people who were not forcing their way through traffic. She would also routinely honk at, and finger, vehicles coming in the opposite direction who failed to allow traffic to pass in front of them. It got to be quite comical, as people in the other lane were looking around as if to say, "why is someone honking? Can't they see we're all stuck in traffic?" Then they would see her and she would finger them (or give them "half a peace sign," as my father-in-law once said). Beth and I were laughing at her consistency and insistency, as car after car bore her wrath.
Can you imagine if it actually helped her to honk and finger people? The traffic would part like the Red Sea, and she'd cross intersections unimpeded like the Israelites long before her. The only problem is that if Moses fingered Pharoah, it worked in reverse - the sea fell back in on him and his whole Egyptian army. But don't quote me on that, I may be reading into the text a bit. Peace dude....
Anyways, on our way to the theatre, Beth and I were driving through some heavy traffic due to construction, and at one point, all the cars were forced to take a detour off the main street. As the lineup of vehicles needed to make a left turn across traffic at an uncontrolled intersection, the flow was slow. However, I guess the lady behind us thought it would be helpful to keep honking at people who were not forcing their way through traffic. She would also routinely honk at, and finger, vehicles coming in the opposite direction who failed to allow traffic to pass in front of them. It got to be quite comical, as people in the other lane were looking around as if to say, "why is someone honking? Can't they see we're all stuck in traffic?" Then they would see her and she would finger them (or give them "half a peace sign," as my father-in-law once said). Beth and I were laughing at her consistency and insistency, as car after car bore her wrath.
Can you imagine if it actually helped her to honk and finger people? The traffic would part like the Red Sea, and she'd cross intersections unimpeded like the Israelites long before her. The only problem is that if Moses fingered Pharoah, it worked in reverse - the sea fell back in on him and his whole Egyptian army. But don't quote me on that, I may be reading into the text a bit. Peace dude....
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Riiiicolaaaa...
The package tells me that if I have a sore throat due to a cold, I should dissolve a Ricola Swiss Herb Cough Drop slowly in my mouth. Repeat as often as I feel it necessary. Well, I was eating them like candy until I read what was in each organically-grown-in-Swiss-mountain-areas Ricola. There is a 3.2mg herb mixture of horehound, speedwell, ribwort, thyme, mallow, burnet, marshmallow and parsley piert. Now I envision a group of witches with big black hats stirring a cauldron of bubbling herbal potion, coating each lozenge with ribwort and horehound, whatever those things are. Yikes, maybe that's why I'm addicted!
Oh well, the non-medicinal ingredients brought me some reassurance: sugar, glucose syrup, caramel sugar, natural flavorings. Phew, comfort food. But not a drop of cola to be found. Hmmm....
Oh well, the non-medicinal ingredients brought me some reassurance: sugar, glucose syrup, caramel sugar, natural flavorings. Phew, comfort food. But not a drop of cola to be found. Hmmm....
Friday, November 10, 2006
Snap, Crackle, Cash...
Ok, so the other day I remember that I had placed $30 in my back pocket and forgot to take it out before my pants went into the washer. I grabbed the folded, wet bills before they were thrown in the dryer and was waving them back and forth to dry them off.
Then I had a brainstorm: the microwave! I placed the bills flat in the nuker, set it for 10 seconds, and walked away. "That oughta help," I thought. About 5 seconds later I was running towards the fireworks coming from inside the cat cooker, frantically pushing at the buttons to end the cash crispifying that was going on. I hadn't really thought about the metal strip embedded in our Canadian moolah and it's possible tendency to spark when being deluged by waves of micro energy. Anyways, the cash was warm and damp, but no worse for wear. Chalk that one up to having a blonde moment.
In other news, my father-in-law and I are wearing the exact same shirt today. I think it's a sign that I should have stayed in bed....
Then I had a brainstorm: the microwave! I placed the bills flat in the nuker, set it for 10 seconds, and walked away. "That oughta help," I thought. About 5 seconds later I was running towards the fireworks coming from inside the cat cooker, frantically pushing at the buttons to end the cash crispifying that was going on. I hadn't really thought about the metal strip embedded in our Canadian moolah and it's possible tendency to spark when being deluged by waves of micro energy. Anyways, the cash was warm and damp, but no worse for wear. Chalk that one up to having a blonde moment.
In other news, my father-in-law and I are wearing the exact same shirt today. I think it's a sign that I should have stayed in bed....
Thursday, November 02, 2006
It's In The Cards...
This post has 3 stories loosely associated with "cards."
LIBRARY CARD
The other day I was dropping off some books at the library, and I was about to put 5 cents in the parking meter because I only needed 2 minutes, when this guy unloading boxes from the bookmobile started yelling, "no, no, no, no!" He was so adamant, it was as though I were a bomb technician about to cut the blue wire, when I should really be snipping the red one. I stopped and looked, expecting something serious, when he simply pointed out that it wasn't 8am yet, and that I didn't need to put any change in the meter. Phew! Saved me from unnecessarily contributing my nickel to the city of Burnaby. Hey, thanks bookmobile guy!
BASEBALL CARDS
Did you watch the St. Louis Cardinals (the 'Cards) win the World Series? Neither did anyone else, it was one of the lowest TV ratings championships ever. Thinking about the Cards, however, reminded me about another bird baseball team, the Baltimore Orioles. During the season, first baseman, Jay Gibbons, was hounding the Baltimore management to increase the safety netting behind home plate. He was sure that eventually someone would be hurt by an errant hit. He was right. This summer, HE fouled a ball back over the netting to hit a woman in the ribs. Guess who it was? His WIFE!
HOTEL KEY CARD
I was in Canmore for a conference last week and one afternoon I went to a mall. Going into Zellers to get a newspaper, I noticed the store security alarm dinging when I entered. Then it happened when I entered and exited Sportchek, and again at a dollar store. I figured it must have been my hotel key card tripping the sensors, because I had yet to purchase anything. It would be a good excuse if you were ever stealing things from stores and the alarms sounded. Just whip out the hotel key card, "it must be this, not the massive amount of stolen goods bulging under my jacket."
Or maybe the alarms went off because of the metal plate in my head, I can't be sure....
LIBRARY CARD
The other day I was dropping off some books at the library, and I was about to put 5 cents in the parking meter because I only needed 2 minutes, when this guy unloading boxes from the bookmobile started yelling, "no, no, no, no!" He was so adamant, it was as though I were a bomb technician about to cut the blue wire, when I should really be snipping the red one. I stopped and looked, expecting something serious, when he simply pointed out that it wasn't 8am yet, and that I didn't need to put any change in the meter. Phew! Saved me from unnecessarily contributing my nickel to the city of Burnaby. Hey, thanks bookmobile guy!
BASEBALL CARDS
Did you watch the St. Louis Cardinals (the 'Cards) win the World Series? Neither did anyone else, it was one of the lowest TV ratings championships ever. Thinking about the Cards, however, reminded me about another bird baseball team, the Baltimore Orioles. During the season, first baseman, Jay Gibbons, was hounding the Baltimore management to increase the safety netting behind home plate. He was sure that eventually someone would be hurt by an errant hit. He was right. This summer, HE fouled a ball back over the netting to hit a woman in the ribs. Guess who it was? His WIFE!
HOTEL KEY CARD
I was in Canmore for a conference last week and one afternoon I went to a mall. Going into Zellers to get a newspaper, I noticed the store security alarm dinging when I entered. Then it happened when I entered and exited Sportchek, and again at a dollar store. I figured it must have been my hotel key card tripping the sensors, because I had yet to purchase anything. It would be a good excuse if you were ever stealing things from stores and the alarms sounded. Just whip out the hotel key card, "it must be this, not the massive amount of stolen goods bulging under my jacket."
Or maybe the alarms went off because of the metal plate in my head, I can't be sure....
