Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Bird Lady...
A few weeks ago, while looking outside my office window, I saw a lady walk across the parking lot and then put something on the ground near a tree. It was right beside the first spot in the lot, where Pastor Barry usually leaves his car. Later I found out she was putting bread folded in newspaper on the ground. In a few minutes, a small group of crows (a "murder" of crows, that would be called) started pecking away at the food and at each other, and many angry caws and scuffles ensued (I'm assuming they were angry caws as I don't speak crow. Who knows, maybe they were saying, "hey pass me that piece of bread, if you please", and "Oh, I like your plumage today - very shiny").
Anyways, I've been picking up pieces of ripped newspaper every day wondering what her obsession is with the birds. I'm also wondering why she can't feed the freaking crows on her own lawn and stop messing up our church yard. "Hey, babushka lady, at least on your way back through the parking lot, pick up all the trash you leave!"
If it was me, I'd be soaking those pieces of bread in Ajax and watching the crows explode as they fly away. Oops, there's the "evil Dairn" rearing his ugly head again. Maybe she isn't meaning to feed the birds at all. Those rodent-related squirrels infesting our neighbourhood might be her intended good will recipients. Maybe she doesn't know that the birds are taking her bread and pooping all over our cars in the process.
Haha, the joke's on her....
Anyways, I've been picking up pieces of ripped newspaper every day wondering what her obsession is with the birds. I'm also wondering why she can't feed the freaking crows on her own lawn and stop messing up our church yard. "Hey, babushka lady, at least on your way back through the parking lot, pick up all the trash you leave!"
If it was me, I'd be soaking those pieces of bread in Ajax and watching the crows explode as they fly away. Oops, there's the "evil Dairn" rearing his ugly head again. Maybe she isn't meaning to feed the birds at all. Those rodent-related squirrels infesting our neighbourhood might be her intended good will recipients. Maybe she doesn't know that the birds are taking her bread and pooping all over our cars in the process.
Haha, the joke's on her....
Friday, July 22, 2005
NHL Draft Lottery Today...
Hockey is back after a 300+ day lockout, and the NHL held it's draft lottery this afternoon to determine the order of selection in the upcoming entry draft next weekend. Every team had a chance at the #1 overall position (the right to choose Sydney Crosby - drafting anyone else would be cause to shoot all the team's management on sight, the kid is that good).
The Vancouver Canucks received the 10th overall position, which is great considering that they would have normally picked around 24th. The big winners were the Pittsburgh Penguins who received the first overall selection, just edging out the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (Brian Burke must be choked!).
Crosby will get to play alongside Mario Lemieux to start his career, which is a pretty cool thing. Lemieux, being a player and part owner of the Penguins, is probably ecstatic because Crosby is potentially a franchise-saving player for Pittsburgh. Much like Lemieux was in the 1980's as a player, and in the 2000's as an owner, Crosby could bring stability to that team for years to come.
However, with the new salary cap on all teams, I just hope that Pittsburgh doesn't have to trade Mario in order to be financially viable. It would be a funny phone call from the GM! "Hi Mario? You've been traded to Carolina for a water boy and a bag of pucks. We couldn't afford to keep you. What's that? I'm fired?? Well, you're the boss..."
In more important news, I got to play golf today at Royalwood in Chilliwack with Terry J, Chris G, and Marc D (you'll remember Marc from Canadian Idol - he was Matt Kennedy's biggest fan and wore his "Vote For Matt" t-shirt a lot for the cameras). Anyways, I shot a 98 which is a good score for me. The funniest moment of the day came when Terry and I were approaching the green on hole #4 (134 yard par 3, slight wind from left to right), and the sprinklers popped up out of the grass and started blasting. The one closest to us misfired and never turned on, but we looked pretty funny getting startled out of our socks! The sprinklers were spraying the green, so I had to putt as they moved out of the way, then run when they came back towards me. I got a par.
Maybe I should play in the sprinklers more often....
The Vancouver Canucks received the 10th overall position, which is great considering that they would have normally picked around 24th. The big winners were the Pittsburgh Penguins who received the first overall selection, just edging out the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (Brian Burke must be choked!).
Crosby will get to play alongside Mario Lemieux to start his career, which is a pretty cool thing. Lemieux, being a player and part owner of the Penguins, is probably ecstatic because Crosby is potentially a franchise-saving player for Pittsburgh. Much like Lemieux was in the 1980's as a player, and in the 2000's as an owner, Crosby could bring stability to that team for years to come.
However, with the new salary cap on all teams, I just hope that Pittsburgh doesn't have to trade Mario in order to be financially viable. It would be a funny phone call from the GM! "Hi Mario? You've been traded to Carolina for a water boy and a bag of pucks. We couldn't afford to keep you. What's that? I'm fired?? Well, you're the boss..."
In more important news, I got to play golf today at Royalwood in Chilliwack with Terry J, Chris G, and Marc D (you'll remember Marc from Canadian Idol - he was Matt Kennedy's biggest fan and wore his "Vote For Matt" t-shirt a lot for the cameras). Anyways, I shot a 98 which is a good score for me. The funniest moment of the day came when Terry and I were approaching the green on hole #4 (134 yard par 3, slight wind from left to right), and the sprinklers popped up out of the grass and started blasting. The one closest to us misfired and never turned on, but we looked pretty funny getting startled out of our socks! The sprinklers were spraying the green, so I had to putt as they moved out of the way, then run when they came back towards me. I got a par.
Maybe I should play in the sprinklers more often....
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Zits...
In stressful situations I still get zits. What is THAT about? I've been out of my teens for (mumble) years, and yet it seems that during weeks when I have to preach at church, out comes the acne. Sheesh, when does one grow out of this?
I also eat a lot of junk food and candy when I'm feeling stressful. I'm sure that's got nothing to do with it....
"Push down your socks!" Whoa, it had been a while since I've heard that sentence (my sister-in-law used to tell me that way back in the 90's), so it took me by surprise. It was at youth group on Tuesday night, when an alert teenage girl advised me to adjust my sockage because it was not fashion friendly. I looked down and saw my long cargo shorts and longer white socks, and realized I looked like I was about to burst into a long yodel (OK I don't think she was just being helpful, more like she was horrified to be seen with me in my Austrian tourist outfit). I wasn't wearing suspenders or one of those little hats with the feather in it, but you get the picture. I guess I was watching too much NBA this year. Those guys pull their socks up to their belly button!
Well, thanks KB, you saved me from a huge fashion faux pas. Now, where's my leiderhosen....
I also eat a lot of junk food and candy when I'm feeling stressful. I'm sure that's got nothing to do with it....
"Push down your socks!" Whoa, it had been a while since I've heard that sentence (my sister-in-law used to tell me that way back in the 90's), so it took me by surprise. It was at youth group on Tuesday night, when an alert teenage girl advised me to adjust my sockage because it was not fashion friendly. I looked down and saw my long cargo shorts and longer white socks, and realized I looked like I was about to burst into a long yodel (OK I don't think she was just being helpful, more like she was horrified to be seen with me in my Austrian tourist outfit). I wasn't wearing suspenders or one of those little hats with the feather in it, but you get the picture. I guess I was watching too much NBA this year. Those guys pull their socks up to their belly button!
Well, thanks KB, you saved me from a huge fashion faux pas. Now, where's my leiderhosen....
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Pansy And Felix...
Jayce, my 5 year old daughter, is in LOVE with Pansy and Felix! She adores hearing about their exciting adventures together and even their not-so-exciting everyday lives. What's that? You've never HEARD of Pansy and Felix?? Well allow me to fill you in!
Pansy and Felix are two imaginary dogs that Beth made up one night when putting Jayce to bed. Jayce couldn't decide what books she wanted to have read to her, and after much hemming and hawing, Beth just decided to tell a story from her imagination. Well, who knew what hold these two cute little dogs would have on our little girl's mind!
Here's the backstory: Pansy and Felix were strays adopted by a girl (Jin Ha) and they go out each day to frolic and have fun in the park or the woods or the city or wherever their little noses will lead them. More recently, they were able to go sailing with Jin Ha's uncle Gary (I'm trying to keep a straight face here, but this is all very serious to JJ - and no, the names have not been changed to protect the innocent).
Some nights, Jayce asks ME to tell a Felix and Pansy story, and I try my best, but they aren't near as creative as Beth's renditions of their exhuberant lives. My stories usually end up with them getting sprayed by a skunk, or pulling practical jokes on the cat next door, or robbing a bank and spending hard time in the slammer. Jayce doesn't like it when I do that.
Anyhow, consider yourself now caught up with JJ's favourite bedtime routine. And no matter how strange this whole Pansy and Felix thing came about, I get the feeling that if Beth gets some free time, there could be a great children's book series in the offing. That is, unless I end up offing those rascally mutts by accident first. Oh, look out for that bus, Felix....
Pansy and Felix are two imaginary dogs that Beth made up one night when putting Jayce to bed. Jayce couldn't decide what books she wanted to have read to her, and after much hemming and hawing, Beth just decided to tell a story from her imagination. Well, who knew what hold these two cute little dogs would have on our little girl's mind!
Here's the backstory: Pansy and Felix were strays adopted by a girl (Jin Ha) and they go out each day to frolic and have fun in the park or the woods or the city or wherever their little noses will lead them. More recently, they were able to go sailing with Jin Ha's uncle Gary (I'm trying to keep a straight face here, but this is all very serious to JJ - and no, the names have not been changed to protect the innocent).
Some nights, Jayce asks ME to tell a Felix and Pansy story, and I try my best, but they aren't near as creative as Beth's renditions of their exhuberant lives. My stories usually end up with them getting sprayed by a skunk, or pulling practical jokes on the cat next door, or robbing a bank and spending hard time in the slammer. Jayce doesn't like it when I do that.
Anyhow, consider yourself now caught up with JJ's favourite bedtime routine. And no matter how strange this whole Pansy and Felix thing came about, I get the feeling that if Beth gets some free time, there could be a great children's book series in the offing. That is, unless I end up offing those rascally mutts by accident first. Oh, look out for that bus, Felix....
Friday, July 15, 2005
Ides Of July...
Well, it's the Ides of July today. I have a soft spot in my heart for the Ides of March, mainly because I contend that it is actually the 16th (my birthday) not the 15th like history records. Anyways, I wonder why the "Ides" of other months aren't remembered with as much fondness as March has been, in commemorating the slaying of Julius Caesar?
Today in history - the Ides of July:
Today in history - the Ides of July:
-- Rembrandt was born in 1606.
-- Carl Fisher, the founder of the Indy 500, died in 1939.
-- Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, the Marilyn Monroe comedy, opened in 1953.
That's about it. Hmmm, I guess I now know why the Ides of July isn't universally celebrated. Maybe (like March), the 16th of this month will bring a more memorable "ides". Maybe I'll have to stab a Caesar salad with a fork at lunch. "Et tu, crouton?...."
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Happy Lambings...
Did you read about the 1500 sheep that took a leap off a cliff in Istanbul, Turkey on July 8th? One jumped to it's death and then stunned shepherds watched as almost 1500 more followed suit. In the end, 450 sheep died. Ones that jumped later were saved due to the increasing pile of soft, woolly sheep beneath them.
It gives the phrase "dyed in the wool" a whole new meaning. Ok, sorry, that was a baaa-d joke. From what I hear it was quite a sight to behold, but I guess ewe had to be there.
In other news, I remembered to bring home flowers and a card for our 14th anniversary today. Not the greatest or most romantic overture to be sure, but we also bought a new DVD player to celebrate. Friends, you can now come over to enjoy a movie or program without it freezing in the middle. In the past, watching me frantically try to stop, restart, cue up to the same scene in the movie, then having the soundtrack go way off (all of the movies end up being a foreign film pretty quick) must have been frustrating. My apologies.
Did you know the 14th Anniversary is traditionally IVORY? I considered making a necklace out of Capo's teeth, but I just couldn't get Lonni's dog to chew on those big concrete chunks in the backyard like I had hoped.
Now, does anybody want a used, no-name $39 DVD player? Yours for only $40....
It gives the phrase "dyed in the wool" a whole new meaning. Ok, sorry, that was a baaa-d joke. From what I hear it was quite a sight to behold, but I guess ewe had to be there.
In other news, I remembered to bring home flowers and a card for our 14th anniversary today. Not the greatest or most romantic overture to be sure, but we also bought a new DVD player to celebrate. Friends, you can now come over to enjoy a movie or program without it freezing in the middle. In the past, watching me frantically try to stop, restart, cue up to the same scene in the movie, then having the soundtrack go way off (all of the movies end up being a foreign film pretty quick) must have been frustrating. My apologies.
Did you know the 14th Anniversary is traditionally IVORY? I considered making a necklace out of Capo's teeth, but I just couldn't get Lonni's dog to chew on those big concrete chunks in the backyard like I had hoped.
Now, does anybody want a used, no-name $39 DVD player? Yours for only $40....
Monday, July 11, 2005
Long Story Short...
I was reminded tonight at a meeting with various presenters, that if, in the middle of your conversation you need to utter the words, "so to make a long story short..." it's too late. The story has already gone too long.
Also, in the same vein, if you are unsuccessfully trying to relate a funny incident or vignette of some kind and end up saying, "I guess you had to be there..." it's a cop out. The truth is, you just can't tell a very good story.
To my chagrin and personal humility, I've said that a few times recently. But if you didn't hear me say it, then I guess you had to be there....
Also, in the same vein, if you are unsuccessfully trying to relate a funny incident or vignette of some kind and end up saying, "I guess you had to be there..." it's a cop out. The truth is, you just can't tell a very good story.
To my chagrin and personal humility, I've said that a few times recently. But if you didn't hear me say it, then I guess you had to be there....
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Canadian Idol...
Well, my buddy, Matt Kennedy, didn't get into the top 10 of Canadian Idol. On Tuesday night he sang great! It was really well done and heartfelt. But he didn't win over the judges and I wondered how their comments would sway the Canadian voting public. In spite of the efforts of many of Matt's friends and family to vote like a pack of wild banshees on Tuesday night, he didn't get enough.
You know what? That's okay. Matt's a great guy. And even if he's only in the top 32 of young talented singers in Canada, I still like him. :-P
In the introductions of his group of all 8 contestants last night, he was definitely "last but not least...."
You know what? That's okay. Matt's a great guy. And even if he's only in the top 32 of young talented singers in Canada, I still like him. :-P
In the introductions of his group of all 8 contestants last night, he was definitely "last but not least...."
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
My July 4th....
Here is how I celebrated the 4th of July.
2:10am - Gently rocked my crying 11 month old son back to sleep.
3:17am - Nudged wife to let her know that her son was crying again.
8:00am - Realized I had a very sore throat and decided to sleep in longer.
9:01am - Body aching from tossing and turning and coughing so I decided to keep sleeping.
9:02am - Jayce came in to tell me mommy was making pancakes.
9:07am - Jolted awake by, "they're ready, daddy!"
9:48am - Finished pancakes (they were really good) and decided to sleep some more.
12:11pm - Got up and had a shower. Felt a little better, but still coughing.
12:37pm - While shaving I noticed a little piece of fluff or something on my cheek. I was straining trying to get a look at it out of the corner of my eye, when I realized I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror. It's funny how I couldn't see my face until I actually looked at myself (or something like that). That's silly, Dairn. I decided not to tell anyone about this.
1:10pm - Had some cereal for lunch. Ever tried "Vector?" It's like honey nut Corn Flakes or something. Not too bad. Dumb name, though. I finished the box.
1:35pm - Slumped in living room chair watching Kylan crawl around bumping into things. I should really mow the lawns, but still not feeling very good.
1:45pm - Feeling guilty about not doing the lawns. Perked up when some drops of rain hit the window. Can't mow - too wet.
2:26pm - Gave up on the big crossword in the newspaper and moved on to the smaller one.
2:38pm - Looked around for the TV Times - it has a crossword that even Jayce could probably do!
2:54pm - Who was the guy who played in Airwolf? Sheesh, even this crossword is killing me. Maybe I should go back to bed...
3:13pm - We decided to take the kids to a local public pool at 4:00pm - Jayce was VERY excited!
3:39pm - After Jayce's 100th "Is it time to go yet?" we decided to get ready to go.
4:02pm - We pile in the car and I tell myself that I'm feeling better and that this will be good for me. Repeat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
4:19pm - We arrived at the Eileen Dailly pool (sometimes I lean hourly, but that's another story).
4:24pm - Changing in the "Family" lockerroom. This is a little strange as we cram into a change room and all get ready to swim. I'm thinking that this is not going to be fun when we have to all dry off and get into our regular clothes later.
4:29pm - Hey, it is a really nice pool. There is a big water slide that Jayce, of course, won't try. Darn it, she was my ticket onto that thing!
5:34pm - We splash around for an hour, have a lot of fun, and I announce to Jayce that it's time to leave because I'm taking everyone to McDonald's!
5:35pm - My surprise announcement is met with an eruption of tears and sobbing as I didn't give any warning to our departure. I'm still learning that I need to give advance notice to this sensitive little girl.
5:37pm - I was right. This "Family" change room thing is not my cup of tea. Tired Kylan in his "little swimmers" almost falls asleep in my arms while we're waiting for mommy and Jayce to change. He's amazingly cute! Then he peed on me.
6:02pm - Jayce is happy again because we ordered a McHappy Meal with a Shark Boy & Lava Girl toy! She has no idea what that movie is about, but she knows all the merchandise like nobody's business.
6:32pm - Heading home.
6:46pm - Get the kids ready for bed and I volunteer to read stories to Jayce after she watches Berenstain Bears on TV.
7:59pm - One of the books we read is a Spiderman book from the library. I get to explain on one page how the Fantastic Four got to become super heroes. Good times.... good times.
10:17pm - Beth is falling asleep while we watch Seinfeld. That's her cue to hit the hay. I stay up to watch most of Sportspage, and then check my Yahoo fantasy baseball team and WhatIfSports.com hockey teams.
11:46pm - Time for sleep!
11:47pm - Kylan starts crying.
Didn't I just do this? Bill Murray might show up at the door any second because I think it's Groundhog Day....
2:10am - Gently rocked my crying 11 month old son back to sleep.
3:17am - Nudged wife to let her know that her son was crying again.
8:00am - Realized I had a very sore throat and decided to sleep in longer.
9:01am - Body aching from tossing and turning and coughing so I decided to keep sleeping.
9:02am - Jayce came in to tell me mommy was making pancakes.
9:07am - Jolted awake by, "they're ready, daddy!"
9:48am - Finished pancakes (they were really good) and decided to sleep some more.
12:11pm - Got up and had a shower. Felt a little better, but still coughing.
12:37pm - While shaving I noticed a little piece of fluff or something on my cheek. I was straining trying to get a look at it out of the corner of my eye, when I realized I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror. It's funny how I couldn't see my face until I actually looked at myself (or something like that). That's silly, Dairn. I decided not to tell anyone about this.
1:10pm - Had some cereal for lunch. Ever tried "Vector?" It's like honey nut Corn Flakes or something. Not too bad. Dumb name, though. I finished the box.
1:35pm - Slumped in living room chair watching Kylan crawl around bumping into things. I should really mow the lawns, but still not feeling very good.
1:45pm - Feeling guilty about not doing the lawns. Perked up when some drops of rain hit the window. Can't mow - too wet.
2:26pm - Gave up on the big crossword in the newspaper and moved on to the smaller one.
2:38pm - Looked around for the TV Times - it has a crossword that even Jayce could probably do!
2:54pm - Who was the guy who played in Airwolf? Sheesh, even this crossword is killing me. Maybe I should go back to bed...
3:13pm - We decided to take the kids to a local public pool at 4:00pm - Jayce was VERY excited!
3:39pm - After Jayce's 100th "Is it time to go yet?" we decided to get ready to go.
4:02pm - We pile in the car and I tell myself that I'm feeling better and that this will be good for me. Repeat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
4:19pm - We arrived at the Eileen Dailly pool (sometimes I lean hourly, but that's another story).
4:24pm - Changing in the "Family" lockerroom. This is a little strange as we cram into a change room and all get ready to swim. I'm thinking that this is not going to be fun when we have to all dry off and get into our regular clothes later.
4:29pm - Hey, it is a really nice pool. There is a big water slide that Jayce, of course, won't try. Darn it, she was my ticket onto that thing!
5:34pm - We splash around for an hour, have a lot of fun, and I announce to Jayce that it's time to leave because I'm taking everyone to McDonald's!
5:35pm - My surprise announcement is met with an eruption of tears and sobbing as I didn't give any warning to our departure. I'm still learning that I need to give advance notice to this sensitive little girl.
5:37pm - I was right. This "Family" change room thing is not my cup of tea. Tired Kylan in his "little swimmers" almost falls asleep in my arms while we're waiting for mommy and Jayce to change. He's amazingly cute! Then he peed on me.
6:02pm - Jayce is happy again because we ordered a McHappy Meal with a Shark Boy & Lava Girl toy! She has no idea what that movie is about, but she knows all the merchandise like nobody's business.
6:32pm - Heading home.
6:46pm - Get the kids ready for bed and I volunteer to read stories to Jayce after she watches Berenstain Bears on TV.
7:59pm - One of the books we read is a Spiderman book from the library. I get to explain on one page how the Fantastic Four got to become super heroes. Good times.... good times.
10:17pm - Beth is falling asleep while we watch Seinfeld. That's her cue to hit the hay. I stay up to watch most of Sportspage, and then check my Yahoo fantasy baseball team and WhatIfSports.com hockey teams.
11:46pm - Time for sleep!
11:47pm - Kylan starts crying.
Didn't I just do this? Bill Murray might show up at the door any second because I think it's Groundhog Day....
