Friday, August 26, 2005
The PNE, Hi-5, And Other McNuggets...
As a special surprise treat for our 5 year old daughter, we decided to take her to the Pacific National Exhibition (think "county fair") for one specific show: Hi-5. It is a kids show on TV from the US that Jayce watches whenever she gets the opportunity. There are five high-energy performers who sing and dance and interact with children. If you've never heard of them, then you'll just have to believe me that they are quite popular. Anyways, after hearing of the surprise, our little angel had a meltdown and didn't want to see them (they are only in town for 2 days). After I say that we'll get a special snack when we're at the PNE, she brightens up and says, "let's go!" Anyone else have children out there? After $12 for parking and 3 smoothie drinks, Hi-5 was crowded but fun.
We then went to McDonald's for supper. There once was a day when eating a 10 pack of Chicken McNuggets didn't seem like any problem for me. I guess that day was just today because I ordered them. Phew, those things sit in your gut! But I'm none the worse for wear, as I still have 51 years, 3 months, 18 days, 3 hours and 14 seconds before I die of old age.
One other thing on my mind today. Anyone know what to do if you think the person in your basement has a "grow-op?" Just wondering....
We then went to McDonald's for supper. There once was a day when eating a 10 pack of Chicken McNuggets didn't seem like any problem for me. I guess that day was just today because I ordered them. Phew, those things sit in your gut! But I'm none the worse for wear, as I still have 51 years, 3 months, 18 days, 3 hours and 14 seconds before I die of old age.
One other thing on my mind today. Anyone know what to do if you think the person in your basement has a "grow-op?" Just wondering....
Thursday, August 25, 2005
D Mail...
Just a reminder to those who may not have seen the "D letters" link on the left side of this page. I am randomly posting letters that I've written to companies, and their responses back to me. These were all composed in the 1990's, so they are somewhat dated. I hope you get a chuckle from them.
If not, write me a letter....
If not, write me a letter....
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Face Visors...
Have you seen those visors that some people wear, that are slanted in such a way that they cover the person's entire face? It is a tinted plastic shield to protect a person's eyes from the harmful rays of the sun (and apparently their nose, mouth and chin as well). It's kind of like that shield thing on a knight's helmet that slides down to protect their face. Except this doesn't protect from the crushing blow of a mace, and it looks like it's from the planet Zargon.
Well, these crazy sun shades fool me constantly. I watch people walking down the street, looking like they have their head down, and I figure they are about to clang into a pole. Or worse, when they drive with these things, it looks like they are fishing for something they dropped on their floor mat. I'm ready to swerve defensively at any moment because I'm sure they are not watching the road (but, of course they are - at least we hope).
I've got a solution. How about inventing some sort of protection that covers one's eyes and maybe has special arms that can hinge themselves over a person's ears to keep the eye protection in place. We could call them "protective harmful ray optical shade devices."
Or maybe just sunglasses or something....
Well, these crazy sun shades fool me constantly. I watch people walking down the street, looking like they have their head down, and I figure they are about to clang into a pole. Or worse, when they drive with these things, it looks like they are fishing for something they dropped on their floor mat. I'm ready to swerve defensively at any moment because I'm sure they are not watching the road (but, of course they are - at least we hope).
I've got a solution. How about inventing some sort of protection that covers one's eyes and maybe has special arms that can hinge themselves over a person's ears to keep the eye protection in place. We could call them "protective harmful ray optical shade devices."
Or maybe just sunglasses or something....
Friday, August 19, 2005
Being Served...
I was served the other day. I wasn't served food or a tennis ball, but I was served a writ. Yeah, I know what you're thinking..... what's a writ?
The past few weeks a company named Fraser Delivery had been phoning and leaving messages for me regarding a document that they wanted me to pick up and then deliver to ICBC. It sounded really fishy, especially when I couldn't find Fraser Delivery in the phone book or when I Googled them. I finally talked to them and they said it involved a Surrey car accident that I was involved in 2 years ago. Funny thing though, I wasn't involved in any car accident (at least to the best of my recollection - maybe I hit my head really hard).
Well, they tracked me down and a "process server" (Larry) served me this writ, claiming that I was driving a friend's vehicle (Brian Coxe) and rear-ended a lady who then rear-ended another woman, who was now suing us for various injuries. I didn't recognize anyone in the claim, and of course I said that I wasn't involved. Larry smiled nicely and said to call ICBC and they'll clear it all up.
I called ICBC and talked to "Patty." I told her that I wasn't the "Dairn" named in the writ and challenged her to put me at ease over this whole thing. For starters, I didn't know anyone named Brian Coxe. If I did borrow his vehicle, then I must have stolen it during one of my many Vietnam flashbacks. Also, the counterfeit Dairn Peters had a Langley address. I haven't lived there since I shared a 26 foot motor home with my parents on their property while I was going to university ("Good night dad. Good night mom. Do you mind not driving to another section of the yard until I wake up in the morning? I always bump my head in this little bed over the cab.").
Anyways, to make a long story short, Patty played detective trying to figure things out. Turns out the other guy was actually Dar-in Peters and his driver's license was different than mine (I could've told them that) and it seems like I'm now off the hook.
In the end, maybe it's kind of like double jeopardy? I can now get away with rear-ending someone who rear-ends someone else because I've already been exonerated of the crime (or maybe I'm just watching way too many movies). Just be careful if I'm tailgating you with a big maniacal grin on my face....
The past few weeks a company named Fraser Delivery had been phoning and leaving messages for me regarding a document that they wanted me to pick up and then deliver to ICBC. It sounded really fishy, especially when I couldn't find Fraser Delivery in the phone book or when I Googled them. I finally talked to them and they said it involved a Surrey car accident that I was involved in 2 years ago. Funny thing though, I wasn't involved in any car accident (at least to the best of my recollection - maybe I hit my head really hard).
Well, they tracked me down and a "process server" (Larry) served me this writ, claiming that I was driving a friend's vehicle (Brian Coxe) and rear-ended a lady who then rear-ended another woman, who was now suing us for various injuries. I didn't recognize anyone in the claim, and of course I said that I wasn't involved. Larry smiled nicely and said to call ICBC and they'll clear it all up.
I called ICBC and talked to "Patty." I told her that I wasn't the "Dairn" named in the writ and challenged her to put me at ease over this whole thing. For starters, I didn't know anyone named Brian Coxe. If I did borrow his vehicle, then I must have stolen it during one of my many Vietnam flashbacks. Also, the counterfeit Dairn Peters had a Langley address. I haven't lived there since I shared a 26 foot motor home with my parents on their property while I was going to university ("Good night dad. Good night mom. Do you mind not driving to another section of the yard until I wake up in the morning? I always bump my head in this little bed over the cab.").
Anyways, to make a long story short, Patty played detective trying to figure things out. Turns out the other guy was actually Dar-in Peters and his driver's license was different than mine (I could've told them that) and it seems like I'm now off the hook.
In the end, maybe it's kind of like double jeopardy? I can now get away with rear-ending someone who rear-ends someone else because I've already been exonerated of the crime (or maybe I'm just watching way too many movies). Just be careful if I'm tailgating you with a big maniacal grin on my face....
Monday, August 15, 2005
Kylan's First Word...
"Aflac." You know, like the duck on that insurance commercial. Aflac. I kid you not.
Maybe his second word will be Prudential....
Maybe his second word will be Prudential....
Monday, August 08, 2005
Broccoli...
Have you heard that broccoli is a food that does something to prevent cancer? Yeah, so have I. Cancer is a terrible disease, but it isn't the only thing out there that causes pain or even death. What if scientists put more energy into finding other kinds of food that prevent different tragedies? The world would be a better place. Let's imagine the possibilities:
- Salt and vinegar chips to avoid a heart attack
- Green beans to prevent car accidents
- Eatmore chocolate bars to be safe from falling from great heights
- Mashed potatoes to keep from being shot with a gun
- Jelly beans to prevent paper cuts
- Twinkies to avert spontaneous combustion (who knows, maybe it's already working!)
The possibilities are endless. So, next time you see a person collecting for these great causes, give generously. Who knows? The next person to need cheesebread because of an alligator attack may be you!
Now, if only broccoli tasted like chocolate ice cream....
Monday, August 01, 2005
In Other News...
One of my favourite things is to go to the mall food court to grab lunch and go through the newspaper. I read the sports, then take out a pen and tackle the crossword puzzle, and finally read the comics. It is a habit that began back in 1991 when I worked at Cantel Cellular on the 16th floor in Metrotown's Metro Tower I and didn't want to sit in the smokey cafeteria/staff room area on my breaks.
Here's something that might be new to many of you, however. Newspaper predators.
Old men, sitting in their natural habitat, blending into the food court like so many motionless crocodiles on the Congo River. They are alone, sipping their Tim's (I'm not a coffee drinker but I've picked up some of the lingo), and just watching the goings-on over their bi-focals. One sits to my left. Another shuffles to a seat on my right. Still more move in closer behind me, nonchalantly keeping me within sight. They can sense when I'm almost finished my routine.
The bold ones might even come right up and try to stake a claim to my daily paper before I am done. Sometimes I am gracious and say "sure." Other times I say, "this is my paper, but I'll lend you $0.75." I have ALWAYS been turned down. It's like they are too good to take my charity, but they'll happily elbow another elderly person on their way to my table when I leave.
When I'm done, sometimes I like to have fun with them. I'll close the paper, then sit and stare straight ahead for a few minutes (that drives 'em nuts!). I'll stand up and slowly put on my coat, then take a couple steps before I remember my newspaper and reach back to snatch it up. They were all alert, ready to take action. But when I tuck the paper under my arm they all swiftly return to sipping their coffee, looking oh so cool, their senses back on standby.
The best thing is when I get up quickly, unexpectedly, and march right out of there. Wow, you'd think they were all on steroids the way they hurdle chairs and each other trying to get that day's prized catch. The feeding frenzy has begun!
Next time you're at the food court, look around for the paper predators. They blend in as best they can, but once you're on to their game, they're easy to spot. Watch for the casual glance from a Tim Horton's patron in a trucker's hat (that doesn't say Von Dutch). When a newspaper strolls by, there's blood in the water. All of a sudden it's shark week at the food fair....
Here's something that might be new to many of you, however. Newspaper predators.
Old men, sitting in their natural habitat, blending into the food court like so many motionless crocodiles on the Congo River. They are alone, sipping their Tim's (I'm not a coffee drinker but I've picked up some of the lingo), and just watching the goings-on over their bi-focals. One sits to my left. Another shuffles to a seat on my right. Still more move in closer behind me, nonchalantly keeping me within sight. They can sense when I'm almost finished my routine.
The bold ones might even come right up and try to stake a claim to my daily paper before I am done. Sometimes I am gracious and say "sure." Other times I say, "this is my paper, but I'll lend you $0.75." I have ALWAYS been turned down. It's like they are too good to take my charity, but they'll happily elbow another elderly person on their way to my table when I leave.
When I'm done, sometimes I like to have fun with them. I'll close the paper, then sit and stare straight ahead for a few minutes (that drives 'em nuts!). I'll stand up and slowly put on my coat, then take a couple steps before I remember my newspaper and reach back to snatch it up. They were all alert, ready to take action. But when I tuck the paper under my arm they all swiftly return to sipping their coffee, looking oh so cool, their senses back on standby.
The best thing is when I get up quickly, unexpectedly, and march right out of there. Wow, you'd think they were all on steroids the way they hurdle chairs and each other trying to get that day's prized catch. The feeding frenzy has begun!
Next time you're at the food court, look around for the paper predators. They blend in as best they can, but once you're on to their game, they're easy to spot. Watch for the casual glance from a Tim Horton's patron in a trucker's hat (that doesn't say Von Dutch). When a newspaper strolls by, there's blood in the water. All of a sudden it's shark week at the food fair....
