Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Poop Truce...
* An open letter to the birds doing their dirty work on my car.
To whom it may concern:
Dear sir/madam/winged creature,
I have been the target of your smear campaign for the past week and it is getting tiring. I get to my car after a hard day in the office and your residue is splattered all over my rear window and windshield. It's as if you and your crow-horts have a personal vendetta against me. I have checked and double-checked my parking situation, and there are no overhead wires or tree limbs for which to perch and poop. Yet day after day, your projectiles have been plainly plastered on my paint in a seemingly premeditated pattern. Am I parked in a bird flight path of some kind? Is there a mandatory dumping that must occur before landing on the hedge in front of my car? Are there flying ostriches (as the sheer volume has been incredible)?
I must insist that your bombings cease immediately, or your actions will be repaid in an escalated manner (I own a pellet gun). Thank you for your quick consideration to my letter.
Sincerely,
Dairn M Peters
Dodge Colt (red) Plate# WMJ 600
PS If this letter has been incorrectly directed, please accept my humble apology to the birds of the Burnaby area, and pass on this note to the squirrel with the obvious tummy troubles....
To whom it may concern:
Dear sir/madam/winged creature,
I have been the target of your smear campaign for the past week and it is getting tiring. I get to my car after a hard day in the office and your residue is splattered all over my rear window and windshield. It's as if you and your crow-horts have a personal vendetta against me. I have checked and double-checked my parking situation, and there are no overhead wires or tree limbs for which to perch and poop. Yet day after day, your projectiles have been plainly plastered on my paint in a seemingly premeditated pattern. Am I parked in a bird flight path of some kind? Is there a mandatory dumping that must occur before landing on the hedge in front of my car? Are there flying ostriches (as the sheer volume has been incredible)?
I must insist that your bombings cease immediately, or your actions will be repaid in an escalated manner (I own a pellet gun). Thank you for your quick consideration to my letter.
Sincerely,
Dairn M Peters
Dodge Colt (red) Plate# WMJ 600
PS If this letter has been incorrectly directed, please accept my humble apology to the birds of the Burnaby area, and pass on this note to the squirrel with the obvious tummy troubles....
# posted by Dairn @ 11:04 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
My brother -- it is time we take up arms and fight back against the birds!!
Starting today I am going to do my best to crap on a bird. I suggest we take a pro active/biotic approach and succumb to the Activia 14-day challenge; however, instead of just wasting the waste we will use it as return fire against those very creatures who attack our automobiles in a pure brantas formation.
your brother in the battle,
s
Post a Comment
Starting today I am going to do my best to crap on a bird. I suggest we take a pro active/biotic approach and succumb to the Activia 14-day challenge; however, instead of just wasting the waste we will use it as return fire against those very creatures who attack our automobiles in a pure brantas formation.
your brother in the battle,
s
<< Home
