Thursday, February 11, 2016
One Man's Garbage...
I left the house at 6:57 this morning to go for a walk. The air was cool and crisp but I was wearing a Canucks hoodie, toque and walking gloves and ready to get my heart rate up a bit. Unfortunately, my iPod Nano was out of battery power so I'd have to forego my usual slew of 80's and 90's songs on shuffle. "Guess I'll pray a bit" I thought to myself, as though it was a disappointing second option compared to hearing Collective Soul's Gel for the millionth time.
Out the door and down the driveway, I hang a left and walk briskly along my neighbourhood sidewalk. The familiar concrete with all of its cracks and bumps will get me about 800m to the high school track where my knees will be a little more grateful for the slight cushion in this early morning exercise.
Then I pass a house where the garbage has been looted by raccoons. I slow down a bit, taking a look at the ripped bags and overflow of trash as I walk by, knowing the feeling of waking up to a mess from those nocturnal nuisances. It's a lousy feeling.
But, not my problem. And I continue on my way. "Sure would be nice if someone cleaned up that mess though, wouldn't it," I thought.
"Yes, it would."
Huh? Who said that? Wait. God? Is that you??
"Who else would it be, Dairn?"
Well, if it's a voice speaking to my heart about cleaning up the neighbour's trash, it's probably the devil, I chuckled.
"Haha, does the devil talk to you a lot about showing love to others, Dairn?"
Well, hardy-har-har, back God. I'm already 2 1/2 houses past the "raccoon destruction site" and I'm pretty sure that this walk is good for my health.
"You're right, it is. You don't have to do anything. You are free to keep walking."
Really? I slowed but kept moving forward. This is a trick. I furrowed my brow.
"Yes indeed, just keep on walking... no problem at all, it's your choice. I mean, it was just a coincidence that you left the house 3 minutes earlier than usual, right? And it's just because of the cold that you are wearing those gloves. Right?"
GRRRRRRRR!!!! Arguing with God sucks. So I turned around and went back to the place with the mess, telling God that I'd clean it up a bit as long as no one saw me. I was doing this out of the goodness of my heart. Okay, God?
"Oh yeah, sure, no problem."
The garbage can was overflowing already and I wondered aloud how I would get all the stuff on the ground back inside. No wonder it was easy pickings for the raccoons! I picked up a bunch of wet plastic bags, styrofoam containers with dripping chicken juice (these WERE nice gloves I bought at Winners for $16.99, I whined). There were gross sticky wrappers, a broken pen, 3 cut-up 2L bottles (who does that? You can recycle this stuff, I complained to myself!)...
"I didn't ask you to judge their garbage, Dairn, I just wanted you to clean up their garbage. Can you do that?"
Yes, I can do that. Almost done.
Slam. The front door. (God, we had a deal...) "Hi" I said to the long-haired man, "looks like the raccoons got to your garbage last night." Embarrassed, I told him I was a neighbour from down the street and I saw the mess and had time... and these gloves... And he (embarrassed as well) thanked me and stretched out his hand, "I'm John. I'll take care of this after work." I put the last couple pieces of trash back on top of the already-spilling can and placed the lid firmly on top.
I waved bye and headed back towards the school.
Now what, God?
"Now? Nothing. Finish your walk. Good job doing what I asked. The rest is up to me."
I don't know what that means. I have no clue if that guy is going to be wondering all day long about an act of kindness shown by a random neighbour. Or if he's going to be obsessing about how he caught some strange weirdo going through his garbage before the break of dawn. I guess that's up to God.
What I DO know is that I'm crying while writing this and I have no idea why. Probably because I don't do what I ought to do often enough. I need to listen more (to HIM, not to Blues Traveller) and simply love better.
And later, when I complained that my shins were hurting during the remainder of my walk (and how they shouldn't because I had done a good deed earlier... remember that, God?), I swear I heard him just chuckle....
Out the door and down the driveway, I hang a left and walk briskly along my neighbourhood sidewalk. The familiar concrete with all of its cracks and bumps will get me about 800m to the high school track where my knees will be a little more grateful for the slight cushion in this early morning exercise.
Then I pass a house where the garbage has been looted by raccoons. I slow down a bit, taking a look at the ripped bags and overflow of trash as I walk by, knowing the feeling of waking up to a mess from those nocturnal nuisances. It's a lousy feeling.
But, not my problem. And I continue on my way. "Sure would be nice if someone cleaned up that mess though, wouldn't it," I thought.
"Yes, it would."
Huh? Who said that? Wait. God? Is that you??
"Who else would it be, Dairn?"
Well, if it's a voice speaking to my heart about cleaning up the neighbour's trash, it's probably the devil, I chuckled.
"Haha, does the devil talk to you a lot about showing love to others, Dairn?"
Well, hardy-har-har, back God. I'm already 2 1/2 houses past the "raccoon destruction site" and I'm pretty sure that this walk is good for my health.
"You're right, it is. You don't have to do anything. You are free to keep walking."
Really? I slowed but kept moving forward. This is a trick. I furrowed my brow.
"Yes indeed, just keep on walking... no problem at all, it's your choice. I mean, it was just a coincidence that you left the house 3 minutes earlier than usual, right? And it's just because of the cold that you are wearing those gloves. Right?"
GRRRRRRRR!!!! Arguing with God sucks. So I turned around and went back to the place with the mess, telling God that I'd clean it up a bit as long as no one saw me. I was doing this out of the goodness of my heart. Okay, God?
"Oh yeah, sure, no problem."
The garbage can was overflowing already and I wondered aloud how I would get all the stuff on the ground back inside. No wonder it was easy pickings for the raccoons! I picked up a bunch of wet plastic bags, styrofoam containers with dripping chicken juice (these WERE nice gloves I bought at Winners for $16.99, I whined). There were gross sticky wrappers, a broken pen, 3 cut-up 2L bottles (who does that? You can recycle this stuff, I complained to myself!)...
"I didn't ask you to judge their garbage, Dairn, I just wanted you to clean up their garbage. Can you do that?"
Yes, I can do that. Almost done.
Slam. The front door. (God, we had a deal...) "Hi" I said to the long-haired man, "looks like the raccoons got to your garbage last night." Embarrassed, I told him I was a neighbour from down the street and I saw the mess and had time... and these gloves... And he (embarrassed as well) thanked me and stretched out his hand, "I'm John. I'll take care of this after work." I put the last couple pieces of trash back on top of the already-spilling can and placed the lid firmly on top.
I waved bye and headed back towards the school.
Now what, God?
"Now? Nothing. Finish your walk. Good job doing what I asked. The rest is up to me."
I don't know what that means. I have no clue if that guy is going to be wondering all day long about an act of kindness shown by a random neighbour. Or if he's going to be obsessing about how he caught some strange weirdo going through his garbage before the break of dawn. I guess that's up to God.
What I DO know is that I'm crying while writing this and I have no idea why. Probably because I don't do what I ought to do often enough. I need to listen more (to HIM, not to Blues Traveller) and simply love better.
And later, when I complained that my shins were hurting during the remainder of my walk (and how they shouldn't because I had done a good deed earlier... remember that, God?), I swear I heard him just chuckle....
Sunday, December 11, 2011
How's Your Stool Sample...?
We all want to be healthy, right? The important thing to remember in judging one's health, however, is that your life is like a stool with 4 legs, and for a balanced life all of those legs need to be healthy. (Have you ever been on a stool that's unbalanced? It's annoying as you teeter and rock a bit... then it becomes kinda fun... but then after a while it's annoying again.)
You have Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual aspects to your life. We usually work diligently on the physical, mental and emotional parts, but all too often we tend to neglect the spiritual "leg" of our lives, leaving our life's "stool" off kilter and unbalanced. We wonder why things aren't going great and why, even when in all the other areas of our life we are happy and healthy, we still feel empty and unfulfilled.
May I suggest that as you are working on your physical area at the gym, developing your emotional area with good friends and strong family relationships, stretching your mental muscles with education, good books and crossword puzzles, that you also seek to invest in the spiritual area of your life by seeking God? And not just any god, because all of them will leave you hollow and wanting except Jesus Christ. Seriously... fix the wobble in your stool and refuse to live unbalanced or frustrated any longer. Find a church where you can hear biblical truth, make good friends, and seek God. Then you'll strengthen all 4 of your legs! :-)
Check your stool sample....
You have Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual aspects to your life. We usually work diligently on the physical, mental and emotional parts, but all too often we tend to neglect the spiritual "leg" of our lives, leaving our life's "stool" off kilter and unbalanced. We wonder why things aren't going great and why, even when in all the other areas of our life we are happy and healthy, we still feel empty and unfulfilled.
May I suggest that as you are working on your physical area at the gym, developing your emotional area with good friends and strong family relationships, stretching your mental muscles with education, good books and crossword puzzles, that you also seek to invest in the spiritual area of your life by seeking God? And not just any god, because all of them will leave you hollow and wanting except Jesus Christ. Seriously... fix the wobble in your stool and refuse to live unbalanced or frustrated any longer. Find a church where you can hear biblical truth, make good friends, and seek God. Then you'll strengthen all 4 of your legs! :-)
Check your stool sample....
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
A MOvember To Remember...
Ode to my November moustache:
T'was the 30th of MOvember and all through the place,
Not a creature was stirring 'cept the one on my face.
To the kitchen refrigerator my moustache had crept,
Unbeknownst to me as in my bed I still slept.
He looked at the food and smiled broadly with glee,
(That's the feeling of elation not the show on TV).
In front of his whiskers was a bounty of snacks,
A last supper for him, because tomorrow - the axe!
Digging in with a flourish and a hearty refrain,
"Yeehaw" he yelled, as cold soup he did strain.
He slurped down some jell-o and feasted on yam,
Ate eggs, fruit and celery, and half of a ham.
When his voracious appetite had finally been sated,
He snuck back to the bedroom quite unabated.
Climbing onto my face with a touch, oh so light,
I woke up to find he'd grown 3 sizes that night!
Sunday, July 03, 2011
WHAT THE...?
My almost 7-year-old son, Kylan, has developed a habit recently of saying, "What the...?" a lot, with a feigned shocked expression to match. "What the...? What the...? What the...?" We've been trying to tell him to tone down the "what the's...?" because it's getting kind of ridiculous. I almost told him the awful truth that a kitten gets punched in the face every time someone says or writes "what the...?", but I just knew he'd respond with an animated, "What the...?" and then another kitty would be seeing stars. In fact, just in explaining this to you, dear reader, 8 kittens have been punched in the head (including my title). I know, eh? Crazy! "What the...???"
Oops, 9...
Oops, 9...
Friday, February 25, 2011
How Long Has My Fly Been Open...?
Now I'm embarrassed
I can't even say
How long has my fly been open
Has it been most the day?
I've been in my car
I've walked around town
It should have been up
But instead it's been down
My nethers were hidden
By my shirt, I will say
Convincing myself of that
Is the only way
But I've had an unwanted draft
Seen many a laugh
It's a terrible gaffe
My face is so red
I'd rather be dead
What more can be said?
Oh, how long... how long... how long
How long has my fly been open?
10 Minute Poetry (by Dairn Peters)
I can't even say
How long has my fly been open
Has it been most the day?
I've been in my car
I've walked around town
It should have been up
But instead it's been down
My nethers were hidden
By my shirt, I will say
Convincing myself of that
Is the only way
But I've had an unwanted draft
Seen many a laugh
It's a terrible gaffe
My face is so red
I'd rather be dead
What more can be said?
Oh, how long... how long... how long
How long has my fly been open?
10 Minute Poetry (by Dairn Peters)
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Hot Time Summer In The City...
My sister-in-law, Cheri, and her three kids (Sam, Anna Beth, and Elise) came to visit us from Kentucky for a week in July. It was really great seeing them again, and it was a lot of fun having more little kids to tease!
We did some fun family outings with Grandpa and Auntie Lonni including a Sea Safari around Howe Sound in a large Zodiac-like boat. That was a hoot! We saw seals and other wildlife, we did tight exhilirating turns, and we went into the Georgia Strait and battled some bigger waves. I was really proud of my kids, they had a great time (and no one puked - bonus!). We also went to the Vancouver Aquarium one of the days. The dolphin show was fun and put a smile on everyone's faces. The Beluga show, on the other hand, demonstrated that they are big and white and can swim around. Yawn. One of the final days together, we did a summer birthday party for Kylan and 2 of his cousins. Mike's Critters came and showed off a variety of animals for the kids to pet and prod and ask questions about. The python was a hit, as well as the large guinea pig. I think the python liked the guinea pig too (he kept licking his lips). It was a great week!
In other news, Kylan and Luke have been thirsting for knowledge recently. Ky asked me, "How come they made 2 kinds of peas? The pea you can eat and the kind that comes out of your peni... your body?" I didn't have a good answer. And Luke came into the bedroom at 5:44am carrying a jug of milk from the fridge. Maybe not thirsty for knowledge, but he was definitely thirsty....
We did some fun family outings with Grandpa and Auntie Lonni including a Sea Safari around Howe Sound in a large Zodiac-like boat. That was a hoot! We saw seals and other wildlife, we did tight exhilirating turns, and we went into the Georgia Strait and battled some bigger waves. I was really proud of my kids, they had a great time (and no one puked - bonus!). We also went to the Vancouver Aquarium one of the days. The dolphin show was fun and put a smile on everyone's faces. The Beluga show, on the other hand, demonstrated that they are big and white and can swim around. Yawn. One of the final days together, we did a summer birthday party for Kylan and 2 of his cousins. Mike's Critters came and showed off a variety of animals for the kids to pet and prod and ask questions about. The python was a hit, as well as the large guinea pig. I think the python liked the guinea pig too (he kept licking his lips). It was a great week!
In other news, Kylan and Luke have been thirsting for knowledge recently. Ky asked me, "How come they made 2 kinds of peas? The pea you can eat and the kind that comes out of your peni... your body?" I didn't have a good answer. And Luke came into the bedroom at 5:44am carrying a jug of milk from the fridge. Maybe not thirsty for knowledge, but he was definitely thirsty....
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Butterfly Effect...
In regards to the current heatwave we are experiencing in Vancouver, how is it that some scientists theorize that the flapping wings of a butterfly in Brazil can affect the cause and path of a tornado in Texas, whereas I can feel absolutely NO freaking effect from the fan across the room???
It is, however, probably knocking over buildings and causing havoc in Tokyo or something...
It is, however, probably knocking over buildings and causing havoc in Tokyo or something...
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
The Peters At Pender...
Last weekend, the extended Peters family met at Pender Island for a 4 day Canada Day celebration. Mom and dad, Ron's family, Becky's family, Glenn's family and ours (the Van B's and Josh couldn't make it and they were all greatly missed), stayed at the beautiful home of Dad's cousin, Diet (Deit? Dieter? Deet? Backwoods Off?) Kroeker, overlooking the ocean. The massive house had 8 rooms, a huge kitchen, large living room, loft, rec room and back deck.
We spent the days eating, laughing, playing games, watching whales (a pod of about a dozen killer whales swam past our backyard), looking for crabs, throwing rocks, playing disc golf, jump-starting my van, going for walks, looking at creation, and basically lazing around. Twas good.
Next time I'll bring my booster cables. And blackout curtains for the windows so Luke won't wake up at 5 each morning. And some coyotes to cull the dozens and dozens of deer we saw. And a whaling ship with some empty tuna cans. And a band-aid for my 'frisbee blister.' And the rest of the terrific Peters family....
We spent the days eating, laughing, playing games, watching whales (a pod of about a dozen killer whales swam past our backyard), looking for crabs, throwing rocks, playing disc golf, jump-starting my van, going for walks, looking at creation, and basically lazing around. Twas good.
Next time I'll bring my booster cables. And blackout curtains for the windows so Luke won't wake up at 5 each morning. And some coyotes to cull the dozens and dozens of deer we saw. And a whaling ship with some empty tuna cans. And a band-aid for my 'frisbee blister.' And the rest of the terrific Peters family....
Friday, June 25, 2010
Big Bang...
Yesterday, my friend Dean and I travelled to Seattle for an afternoon Mariners' game at Safeco Field. It was a beautiful day except for absolutely NO parking! Sheesh, we drove around that area for an hour and a half looking for anything, but zilch. Anyways, we finally found something and got into the stadium for the bottom half of the 5th inning. The M's and Cubs were tied at 2 apiece at the end of the 9th, and didn't settle it until the 13th inning! (3-2 Cubs) So we almost got to see a full game anyways (nice save, baseball gods).
The thing that got me thinking, however, was on the way to Seattle, we passed a semi tanker truck that had bright orange signs on it saying, "Molten Sulphur." Wow. Where did they pick up molten sulphur from and where are they delivering it to? Who puts in an order for MOLTEN SULPHUR?? Hell, maybe? "Here's your order of molten sulphur, your lowness, Prince of Darkness, sir. Just sign on the dotted line and initial that it's been received."
Seriously, who is working with that stuff? On the way back from Seattle, we passed another semi tanker truck with a sign saying, "Liquified Petroleum Gas." I'm not sure of the chemical properties involved here, but what would happen if Truck A crashed into Truck B? Molten Sulphur versus LPG! Could be the end of the world as we know it. Or at the very least, a Hollywood-worthy, Bruckheimer-esque explosion to rock the screen!
Or maybe they cancel each other out. Fizzle...
The thing that got me thinking, however, was on the way to Seattle, we passed a semi tanker truck that had bright orange signs on it saying, "Molten Sulphur." Wow. Where did they pick up molten sulphur from and where are they delivering it to? Who puts in an order for MOLTEN SULPHUR?? Hell, maybe? "Here's your order of molten sulphur, your lowness, Prince of Darkness, sir. Just sign on the dotted line and initial that it's been received."
Seriously, who is working with that stuff? On the way back from Seattle, we passed another semi tanker truck with a sign saying, "Liquified Petroleum Gas." I'm not sure of the chemical properties involved here, but what would happen if Truck A crashed into Truck B? Molten Sulphur versus LPG! Could be the end of the world as we know it. Or at the very least, a Hollywood-worthy, Bruckheimer-esque explosion to rock the screen!
Or maybe they cancel each other out. Fizzle...
Friday, June 11, 2010
No Ants In My Pants...
Just in my hair. Seriously. After my run in Deer Lake Park this morning, I huffed and puffed back into the house and was about to have a shower when I looked in the mirror. There above my forehead, crawling through some of my ever-so-thinning hair, I saw a black ant. That must have been quite a ride for the little guy! One minute he's minding his own business on a leaf, the next he's seeing the bush rushing past as I bob and weave along the trail. He clung on for dear life and will no doubt have an amazing story to tell when he makes it back to his ant hill again. Good luck little guy! After gently releasing him, and briefly before flushing, I wondered if my house's sewage system led to Deer Lake or not....
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Royal Flush...
We have been teaching our 5 year old, Kylan, to not flush the toilet if someone's having a shower. He has now become accustomed to yelling from the bathroom, "Is anyone in the shower?" every time he uses the toilet. The other morning he came into our ensuite bathroom while I was showering and said that he needed to use the washroom but he wouldn't flush. From under the spray I told him it was no problem, and then I heard him proceed to say out loud to himself, "Don't flush, don't flush, don't flush..." Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... FLUSH! "Augghh, sorry daddy!" I was laughing so hard listening to him that I barely noticed the scalding hot water burning my flesh. Kids!
In other news, I instructed my children at the dinner table that if they are ever being chased by a rhino, they should find some stairs. I don't think rhinos are adept at climbing stairs. That's some pretty solid advice, I think....
In other news, I instructed my children at the dinner table that if they are ever being chased by a rhino, they should find some stairs. I don't think rhinos are adept at climbing stairs. That's some pretty solid advice, I think....
Friday, June 04, 2010
The Plural Of Moose Is Meese...
There's a great bit by Brian Regan where he talks about learning a lesson in school on the plural of certain words (goose to geese, ox to oxen, etc), and how screwy things can become when you're trying to fit those rules into the plurals of other words (moose to meese and box to boxen just don't work... but they should!). It's a great bit (YouTube it or buy the CD).
Anyways, I sometimes think of a status update for my Facebook account and jot it down on a piece of scrap paper so I won't forget it. Lately I've written a few of them and wondered what the plural form of my status ideas is. Is it "statuses?" That's kind of boring. How about "statices?" Or "statii?" That's my fave so far - it sounds like it could be a medical term. Or a Latin term. Or a Latin medical term. Or just a terrible spelling mistake.
Oh well, maybe I've just got to stop thinking up more than one status at a time. Or just pack them into some boxen and feed them to the meeses....
Anyways, I sometimes think of a status update for my Facebook account and jot it down on a piece of scrap paper so I won't forget it. Lately I've written a few of them and wondered what the plural form of my status ideas is. Is it "statuses?" That's kind of boring. How about "statices?" Or "statii?" That's my fave so far - it sounds like it could be a medical term. Or a Latin term. Or a Latin medical term. Or just a terrible spelling mistake.
Oh well, maybe I've just got to stop thinking up more than one status at a time. Or just pack them into some boxen and feed them to the meeses....
Monday, May 31, 2010
Happy Birthday, Luke...
So, last time I blogged, Luke was barely born. He is turning 2 today, so let me introduce the little guy to you again! Born on the same day as his Uncle Glenn (albeit 45 years later), and named strictly so I can do a Darth Vader voice and utter that famous line, "Luke... I AM your father!" Actually, his name is Dairn Luke, but we decided early that we'd call him Luke as to not confuse me everytime someone says, "Dairn... get your hand out of the toilet bowl!" or "Dairn, stop drooling" (as if that's a function one can control).
Well today Luke ate a bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream with a candle on top, tried to communicate with more words (I think he said "thank you", and he already says "please", but it sounds exactly the same as "teeth" and "cheese"), and hit me in the face with a PS2 controller. All in a day's work.
Anyways, if you were to look back on my blog posts, you'd find a smattering of the life and times of my other two great kids, so I thought it only fair to give an update on Lukie. Welcome to the beginning of your third year, little buddy, and welcome again to blogdom. I'm quite sure you'll provide your dad with plenty of posting fodder for years to come.
And know this, I promise never to sever your hand with a light saber. Never....
Well today Luke ate a bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream with a candle on top, tried to communicate with more words (I think he said "thank you", and he already says "please", but it sounds exactly the same as "teeth" and "cheese"), and hit me in the face with a PS2 controller. All in a day's work.
Anyways, if you were to look back on my blog posts, you'd find a smattering of the life and times of my other two great kids, so I thought it only fair to give an update on Lukie. Welcome to the beginning of your third year, little buddy, and welcome again to blogdom. I'm quite sure you'll provide your dad with plenty of posting fodder for years to come.
And know this, I promise never to sever your hand with a light saber. Never....
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Marley & Me & Sean Connery...
What do the following actors have in common: Tom Hanks (in Saving Private Ryan), Sean Connery (in The Untouchables), Steven Segall (in Executive Decision), and the dog that played Marley (in Marley & Me)?
Give up? (SPOILER ALERT) They all have amazingly long death scenes! And the only one that put a lump in my throat was the dog actor (Marley, not Segall).
Beth and I went to the movies and saw Marley & Me last night. It was cute, funny, a bit predictable, but generally heartwarming. And holy cow, they dragged out that dog's last days! I kept whispering, "Get my gun, boy - Old Yeller's going home!"
Shortly after Marley's demise, the credits rolled and I looked around to see many people wiping tears from their eyes. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love dogs and even Homeward Bound got me a bit choked up at the end, but I felt a bit manipulated after this one.
Regardless, if you own a pet, it's good to celebrate life with them but to honestly think about their eventual death. Especially cats. Think about that lots. In fact, if there's any possible way to save yourself and your feline future unnecessary suffering by snuffing out it's life with a pillow today, I suggest that route.
Dog owners, prepare to hug your best friend after seeing Marley & Me, you'll both need it....
Give up? (SPOILER ALERT) They all have amazingly long death scenes! And the only one that put a lump in my throat was the dog actor (Marley, not Segall).
Beth and I went to the movies and saw Marley & Me last night. It was cute, funny, a bit predictable, but generally heartwarming. And holy cow, they dragged out that dog's last days! I kept whispering, "Get my gun, boy - Old Yeller's going home!"
Shortly after Marley's demise, the credits rolled and I looked around to see many people wiping tears from their eyes. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love dogs and even Homeward Bound got me a bit choked up at the end, but I felt a bit manipulated after this one.
Regardless, if you own a pet, it's good to celebrate life with them but to honestly think about their eventual death. Especially cats. Think about that lots. In fact, if there's any possible way to save yourself and your feline future unnecessary suffering by snuffing out it's life with a pillow today, I suggest that route.
Dog owners, prepare to hug your best friend after seeing Marley & Me, you'll both need it....
Monday, November 17, 2008
Left Turn, Clyde...
Yeehaw! You know the Nascar racing circuit in the deep south of the US of A? The race where all the cars drive in a big oval, always turning LEFT?? Well I got to participate in a Nas-cart event this week at the local Save-On-Foods, but I don't think I won.
All I know is that the stupid cart I was driving had a busted wheel and was always veering to the left. In order to make a right hand turn, I would have to lurch my whole body behind the thing. It began to leave black wheel marks all over the store as the cart got heavier and heavier, so eventually I just gave up and kept going left in increasingly smaller circles.
Here's how my route looked:
Produce aisle, meat area, milk aisle, back to row 1, row 8, row 2, row 7, row 3, row 6 (oops missed the sliced cans of peaches - gotta get back to row 3 eventually), row 4, row 5, row 3 (again), bread area (hit another cart with wobbly wheel troubles too)... then to get into the check-out line it took 4 of us to turn the cart to the right (or I could have swung through the pharmacy and bulk foods, trying to line up a run through produce).
Man, I needed a pit crew!
Oh no. I missed the cereal, diapers and toilet paper! That stuff's not important, is it? I'll get it next week....
All I know is that the stupid cart I was driving had a busted wheel and was always veering to the left. In order to make a right hand turn, I would have to lurch my whole body behind the thing. It began to leave black wheel marks all over the store as the cart got heavier and heavier, so eventually I just gave up and kept going left in increasingly smaller circles.
Here's how my route looked:
Produce aisle, meat area, milk aisle, back to row 1, row 8, row 2, row 7, row 3, row 6 (oops missed the sliced cans of peaches - gotta get back to row 3 eventually), row 4, row 5, row 3 (again), bread area (hit another cart with wobbly wheel troubles too)... then to get into the check-out line it took 4 of us to turn the cart to the right (or I could have swung through the pharmacy and bulk foods, trying to line up a run through produce).
Man, I needed a pit crew!
Oh no. I missed the cereal, diapers and toilet paper! That stuff's not important, is it? I'll get it next week....
